You would Never understand the Demons that I face
by not girly at all
Summary: A one-shot. Rated M for suicide


**First time that I'm trying to make a** **heartbreaking story... But, I thought it was about time I did. They ARE my favourite couple of all the animes I've ever watched. But, Ichigo chose Masaya over Kisshu. So, I thought it was about time that I made a heartbreaking one. Hope you don't mind crying to stories. This will be a little sad one-shot.. I hope..**

**Nem a.k.a not girly at all, do NOT own Tokyo Mew Mew. It belongs to Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. But she hopes you enjoy her story though~**

You would Never Understand the Demons that I face

**Kisshu's POV**

I reached out my hand, trying to make her look at me. Why wouldn't she understand she hurts me over and over again? She hurts me everytime she opens her mouth and says something. She just never can say anything nice. Not about me. Never. She wouldn't even think twice about what she's saying. And even though that, I love her, so much my heart would break. Why won't she listen? She never listens. The girl I risk everything for, don't even care about me. I'm just someone with a heart of stone in her eyes. I have feelings, but, I don't show them. That's the only thing, but, to her, I show her I love her. She just won't listen, never. She hurts me over and over again.

I tried to make her look at me, but she struggled to get free. She yelled my name and called me mean things over and over again. But, it was like I couldn't hear it. I did hear it, that was the problem. I got more annoyed and hurt of every word comming from that teenager's lips. It was like she couldn't see, she couldn't see how much she hurt me. She couldn't see _me_.

She kept yelling at me, but I didn't care about the words she yelled. Not yet, I hadn't had enough yet, not yet.. I loved her so much I would never give up. No matter what I heard. But, it just hurted more when someone you loved so much said something mean about you. I was in love with someone who'd never love me back.

I lifted up her chin and stared into her eyes. My lips formed a please. I didn't say anything, I was just silent. For a while it seemed like I've made her think a little. But then she looked mad and tried to kick me. Desperatly I hugged her tightly, not letting her go. Ichigo struggled, trying to get away from me. But, I wouldn't release her, I wasn't even thinking about it. Suddenly, a feeling of someone watching us appeared. I lost focus and Ichigo noticed that. She kicked me and I felt when her foot reached my chest. My chest felt like it was going to blow up. It beated of pain inside. I put both my hands to my chest and coughed. I had the feeling of that a rib could be broken.

"Ichi...go..." I said while holding my hands to my chest.

The teenage girl just stood there looking at me. She didn't move and neither said anything. No emotion was in her face, probably she was either happy or scared of me, what I would do. Then I saw her face lighten up, she was looking to the right. I turned my face to see what she was looking at. But the only thing I could see was the shape of someone. The pain in my chest made me a little dizzy, but, I didn't have to see who it was to know who it was.

"Aoyama-kun!" Ichigo called out his name with a smile on her lips.

That just made it hurt more. I couldn't take it. I had to leave. I didn't know what was the worst. The pain in my heart or chest. But, I didn't want to stay to find out. Either I would faint or break out crying. I turned my head up, and smiled a soft smile at Ichigo.

"I just thought that you could be mine someday. I guess I was wrong. Well, bye, Ichigo" I said and disappeared to the Alien basement.

I looked around to see if anyone was near, but, there was no sign of Taruto or Pai. That was good, I didn't feel like to pretend to be happy. I only wanted to be alone with my thoughts and cry to my pillow. I started to walk towards my room with my bangs covering my eyes when I heard a voice.

"Yo Kisshu! How was it this time?"

I turned around and looked at the little brownhaired kid. His arms were behind his head and he was looking at me. I smiled a fake cocky smile.

"She didn't enjoy it that much, better luck next time" I said and turned around.

"Ever thought of that she won't enjoy when you're trying to kiss her or hug her?" Taruto asked.

Me slamming the door behind me was probably a good answer enough, because Taruto left me aloje. I looked around in my room, I really had to clean. But, I would do that, later, someday..

I sat down on my bed. Then I took up my pillow and hugged it close. Yes, I'm a boy, I do that too, it's not anything wrong with that, I get hurt too. I lay down in my bed still hugging my pillow and a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. Soon I found out that I was crying. But, silently crying. My cheeks were all wet and my eyes were red. I rubbed my eyes and stared in front of me. I couldn't live like this.. Love Ichigo, get hurt by Ichigo, pretend to be happy and cry alone. I just couldn't do that. Maybe.. I made one of my daggers appear and looked at it. I stroke the dagger while some thoughts ran through my mind. I could always.. Or.. Maybe not. I couldn't.. I couldn't gave into those thoughts. I just couldn't. But, the pain would disappear. It would all be gone. Just by one action. It was so easy.. Ichigo wouldn't care whatever I did. She didn't care at all. She wouldn't mind. Not even a single tear would fall down her cheek. Her heart wouldn't break. She wouldn't even get sad.. So easy.. I kept looking at the dagger. I could.. I sat up in my bed. I've had those thoughts for 3 months now. But no one knew about it. I never thought it would happen to me. Those who talks about that they'll take suicide often does not do it. The ones who never tells about it.. Those are the ones who really do it.

I stood up, walked to my desk, sat down on my chair and took a pen. I looked for some papers and found them. I took one up and started to write.

_Dear Ichigo_

_When you're reading this, I'll probably already will be taken away from this world. I just want to say, that I love you. I really do. But, I can't live like this anymore. Do you know you hurt me by every word that you say? Hearing it over and over again makes you look invulnerable to it. I am not, all the words you've said hurts. A lot. I love you Ichigo, even though all those words. I love you more than anything. But this will be the final time I'll tell you I love you. I don't want you to remember me as a coldhearted and foolish guy. Please, remember me as the one I've showed you at times. I want to be remembered like that. _

_Do you know? That everytime you see him or says his name your face lightens up. I wish it would be like that when you said my name. But it will never be like that. I'm sorry Ichigo, it's too late to save me. But, can you tell me when you've read this letter? That I really hate Masaya. I hate him more than anything. I hate him down into the last bone in my body. I hate the fact you chose him. I hate the fact he makes you happy. I hate the fact he's your boyfriend. I hate everything about him. But, I love you Ichigo_

_Kisshu_

When I signed it with my name I put the pen down and read the letter. It was kinda rushed. But I didn't want to write more. This was my last words. I stood up, with the letter in my hand. Then I teleported to Ichigo's house and appeared in her room. I put the letter on her pillow and then teleported away to my room again. I wanted to be in my room. I felt home in there. It was me. I made one of my dagger appear again and looked at it. This was it. I moved the dagger to my chest and took a deep breathe. What was it going to feel like? When the life was taken away from you? I didn't want it to hurt. I wanted it to be quick and no pain. I closed my eyes and pushed the dagger into my chest. I took the dagger out of my chest and I saw I was bleeding from my chest. It was also blood on my dagger. That was the last thing I saw, then my heart stopped beating and the world got black..


End file.
